I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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