I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
