I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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