I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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