your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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