I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
