Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
