Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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