I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize