smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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