He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
