i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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