I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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