i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
