So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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