Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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