So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
