so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
