Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
