thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
