I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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