i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
