Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
