i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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