Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Come share oat with me in your robe
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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