hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize