Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
