Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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