She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
