Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
