Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're a waste of cheezeits
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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