Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
