Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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