I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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