Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
