4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
