have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
