ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
