I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
