there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
