Are we in a gay sports bar?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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