I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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