Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize