i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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