And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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