Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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