I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
