I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
