I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
They should really pass out barf bags in church
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize