so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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