Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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