nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
