So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
whose parrot is this?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
