Do you still have your period?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize