My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
