Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
