okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize