i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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