you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
