Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just google imaged poop.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
