You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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