conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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