Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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