he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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