I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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