why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
