do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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