I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
