dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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